Narcissism in the academy

Just after the holiday break this article, “Why we fall for narcissistic leaders, starting in grade school” was making the round on social media. Now there were a variety of reasons that piece by Adam Grant was making the rounds, most of which having to do with politics in the US. However, it also got me thinking about narcissism in the academy. Of course, this is not to say that all or even most people in the academy take this approach the world. That would be silly. But we certainly have our fair share of this behaviour (check out this article for an interesting discussion about perceptions of narcissism).

So back to the article, about halfway through Grant describes why we are attracted to this kind of behaviour in the first place. Specifically, he points to a study suggesting that people with a lower self-esteem are more likely to be attracted to these kinds of leaders. The explanation here being that this is because narcissistic leaders can make you feel safe (especially in uncertain times).

Thinking about this comment with respect to my own experience, it makes a lot of sense. Having worked with and known several people who displayed this kind of behaviour there are two other considerations I would like to add. First, at least the ones I’ve been around have an amazing story telling capacity that they use to set the stage for what and why they need to oversee an effort. That story telling skill makes it feel like you would be stupid not to be involved.

Second, they can make you feel seen and powerful in their presence. What do I mean by this? Well, at first glance they can seem like the “cool kids”. The people who are so well connected and making important moves in your world. If you’re a person who lacks confidence in your professional role or personal life, receiving this attention from the cool kid is intoxicating.

The article goes on to point out, people with these traits always falter at some point. The changes they want don’t happen fast enough, the accolades they receive aren’t big enough, someone in their circle gets more attention than them.

There are also always signs of this impending collapse. They get huffy about things not going their way. They start making bigger and bigger demands. Initially the people around them attempt to placate the demands. Giving more money. Giving more credit. Distracting their attention with a new shiny prize. However, this doesn’t last.

People justify these placations saying, “well if it weren’t for so and so, we couldn’t do anything”. And in part they aren’t wrong. People with these traits can make big and important moves at speed that is difficult for people who don’t have those same traits. In my own case I justified it by saying, “well we’re a team and they are the face of this movement, so it’s okay.”

After contorting myself to smooth things over more times than I want to admit, I began to realize it was never going to be enough. I was going to have to continue absorbing the angst, frustration, and anger of these people in the name of keeping the projects going. I had to decide that these people weren’t the solution to the problems we were working on.

I wish I could say that I made this realization quickly, but it took me years. When I think about my own experience, I understand how it was hard to back away from these people when their spirals started. I invested a lot of time and energy in these relationships and the work that was started and didn’t want it to be for nothing. I also felt stupid for having been taken advantage of and wanted to prove the behaviour that I was witnessing wrong.

Now I have more empathy for myself than I once did. It took the time it took me, because that was how I learned that lesson. I know now that I will never be taken in that way again. I know that big promises don’t equate to actions and that real change takes more time than we’re willing to admit. But when we stick with that slow and steady change process that results last.

So, if you find yourself in a similar position know that you don’t have to stay. Your mind isn’t playing tricks, the things you’re seeing and feeling are real. But you can change your mind.

(Words: 750)